The Wages of Silence is Death...Part 1

This weekend should have been a joyous time for me…and for the most part it was. I did the cookout thing and my family reunion was this weekend. My baby brother came to visit this weekend so we got to spend time with the family (pictures are coming).

But I was overwhelmed with so much grief that I couldn’t really enjoy it. I couldn’t get myself together…and right now, I feel like I still can’t.

Unlike some of us, I had to work this weekend (community outreach) – Yeah, that’s right! I’m hating…LOL - But its all good…it was worth it.

But seriously, this weekend, apart of my job was to research the state of HIV/AIDS within my community and specifically among black women ages 25 to 50.

I was familiar with it first hand...The disease has touched me directly (I’ve lost 3 family members (ALL WOMEN) to AIDS related illnesses). So I thought I could handle this. I thought I was tough. But I was dead wrong.

When I did my research, what I found was frightening. I almost felt helpless when I learned where we (black people) stood in the midst of this deadly thing called AIDS.

I found out that African Americas make up almost 75% of all HIV/AIDS diagnosis in the area. And this is true for most areas throughout the entire United States.

On top of that, I found that because of the SILENCE and the stigma that people living with the virus face within our own community, people aren't disclosing their status. Nor do they want to get tested for fear of being stigmatized.

Because of this and many other factors, African American women (men and children) are dying from HIV/AIDS related illnesses faster than any other ethnic group.

I found out that almost 80% of the African American churches in my own community do not have HIV/AIDS ministries or departments, nor are they partnering with non-profit organizations and local government agencies to help our women, men and children who are dying from this disease.

This is crazy. If we know that black people account for almost half of the AIDS diagnosis in the United States!!! And you know most of us attend church faithfully every Sunday - anyone with a brain would gather that there are black people attending church every Sunday that are living with HIV/AIDS!!! DUH!!!

So why aren't we talking about this in the pulpit on Sundays?? Why?

Anyway, for my research I was given the opportunity to interview a Black woman who had been living with the disease for almost 12 years. And what she shared with me broke my entire heart into little pieces. She shared with me that when she learned of her positive HIV status, her church turned its back on her. They did not help her and encouraged her NOT to DISCLOSE her status to the congregation. She was even told by some to LIE and say that she had cancer instead of saying she had HIV/AIDS.

I firmly believed that if she was given a forum or opportunity to share her testimony, other lives could have been saved.

While listening to her story, I couldn't help but think about the women in my church that may be living "SILENTLY" with this disease. I couldn't help but think that they may be afraid to disclose for fear of being stigmatized. They can't even get support in the one place that is supposed to be safe and holy.

We need to see the face of this disease, we need to see with our own eyes that it could be your mother, aunt, your sister, brother, son EVEN your grandmother (yes, this woman was a grandmother) - we must take the stigma away from this disease.

Shouldn’t the church be a place of refuge for the broken and torn? Isn’t the church where we go to get healing, love and support? Why are they silent on this issue? Where are the churches?

We used the churches as a HAVEN during the Civil Rights Movement…It was the "meeting place," it was where we went to mobilize and strategize...

It’s the one place where the majority of us are one day out of the week. So why can’t this place…Our "church" be the place where the movement to eradicate this deadly disease starts? Why are we silent when our women and children are dying? Our babies are dying...Why are we silent on this issue?

All too often, we hear the scripture, Romans 6:23 quoted in churches that the “wages of sin is death…” but I learned this weekend from my research, that the wages of silence is death…

When will we start talking?

When will we speak up?

Because of our silence, we are dying.

Broken Hearted,

JCroft

All You Need In Your Life...

Stay Hood, JCroft

I'm all over the place today (A.D.D. Moment)...Can you keep up?

My Money is so funny right now. If you feel me, Holla Back! I mean really, I can’t be the only one out here feeling that way. What’s really good?

Who knew I’d be spending $150-160 a week in gas alone? I mean its like you almost have to get a part-time job just to cover expenses for gas now.

It’s the worst when people think they know you or have you figured out, but they really don’t.

I thank God for the people who really know me. But wait a minute, That is so much more important than the latter sentence! Geeze! Get it together.

For the past 16 WEEKS my entire life has been hi-jacked by my daughter’s extra-curricular activities, etc. (Ballet, Jazz, Tap, Hip-Hop, School, Piano, etc., etc., etc.)

Where in the hell is her father? I mean really? Why is it that every time I call and ask him to help out, I get “Well I’m out of town this weekend” – But for real though, who does that? What person with children is able to do that or would want to do that? Especially if you’re not taking them with you?

Here’s your answer: A DEAD BEAT…

I know its hard. Its what I chose. The hand I knew I would be dealt. But sometimes I feel like I can’t do it. No, let’s be real, sometimes I don’t want to do it. Some Saturdays, I'm sleep walking...Sometimes I feel like I don’t have it in me. But I find it. I press...

And I believe and know that all things work…. (you finish it)

I have some real strong sister-friends & women in my life right now. I’m so proud of them. I feel like we’re changing the world right in our own circle. I’m so proud to know them and to be a part of the work. Together we are changing OUR world, one life at a time.

What’s wrong with being ghetto or hood? Its one of the most important things that I give credit to my father for doing in my life. Keepin' me linked to my peoples and my family in the hood, Even when my uppity Momma didn't like it. I love the fact that I’m hood and educated.

I dated a guy once that didn’t like it when I got home from work and spoke what he called “e-bonics.” He didn’t particularly care for my family in the hood or that side of me either. Of course you know I got rid of his boring azz…...

Anyway, I love that I'm street...I love that I think quick on my feet, and that I'm hood smart, I love the fact that I can fight fair AND dirty when I have to (lol). I love the idea that I smell a fraud or "fake-one" a mile away. In my humble opinion, a sister that's fine, hood and educated is a triple threat.

T.C. – I can’t wait for your post. Get it together please. Rika, you’re gonna love it.

Stay Hood,

JCroft

Why is it so peezy all the time Beyonce'??? Why???

WHY is BEYONCE's HAIR Always a gott-damn mess?? SOMEBODY please tell me WHY?????? WHY???

How can you make millions of dollars and not afford to at least keep a Olive Oil Relaxer Kit (SUPER) on stand-by at all times????

Don't get me wrong. I love my natural sisters.

And I'm not saying that its anything wrong with wearing your hair in its natural state. I myself haven't had a relaxer in almost 11 months. But BEYONCE!! Come on! If you're going to wear your hair in a relaxed state with weaves and lace fronts...at least comb it...or keep it up. Flat Iron it or something. Somebody needs to take a straigtening comb to her hair quick!
SHE looks a Hott Azz Mess. PERIOD.

Remembering and Celebrating Malcolm X

From the looks of these last 2 posts...those of you who know me personally can tell that I spent the weekend with my Father. So I'm on that T.I.P this week (if you know what I mean)...LOL anyway - more seriously...

May 19, 2007 would have been Malcolm X's 82nd birthday. He was only 39-years-old when he was assassinated.

Today - We remember our brother Malcolm X.

The words of Malcolm X -

“We declare our right on this earth to be a human being, to be respected as a human being, to be given the rights of a human being in this society, on this earth, in this day, which we intend to bring into existence by any means necessary.”

“Sitting at the table doesn't make you a diner, unless you eat some of what's on that plate. Being here in America doesn't make you an American. Being born here in America doesn't make you an American.”

“The future belongs to those who prepare for it today.”

"When a person places the proper value on freedom, there is nothing under the sun that he will not do to acquire that freedom. Whenever you hear a man saying he wants freedom, but in the next breath he is going to tell you what he won't do to get it, or what he doesn't believe in doing in order to get it, he doesn't believe in freedom. A man who believes in freedom will do anything under the sun to acquire . . . or preserve his freedom."

"You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom."

"Stumbling is not falling."

"Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it."

"The only way we'll get freedom for ourselves is to identify ourselves with every oppressed people in the world. We are blood brothers to the people of Brazil, Venezuela, Haiti, Cuba -- yes Cuba too."

"I believe that there will ultimately be a clash between the oppressed and those that do the oppressing. I believe that there will be a clash between those who want freedom, justice and equality for everyone and those who want to continue the systems of exploitation."

"I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it's for or against."

- Malcolm X
May 19, 1925 – February 21, 1965

My Dad at home (In Africa)

Our Ancestors were praying to the East before Muhammed... The above image pre-dates Islam...which didn't come until 2000 years later in the 7th A.D. - if you don't believe me...take a trip to Borders...HA! - Geeze, my dad looks so funny in this pictures! lol

Pashedu - Chief Tomb Builder for the Pharoahs (Cliff Tombs), A chapel In the Valley of the Kings

WHY???

How is that one incident, a thing, a person, a phone-call, an email or anything can have the potential to RUIN your entire day?

Ok, Ok, I know...that comment was an exxageration...I'm so extra...Geeze! -

But for real, I mean sometimes there ARE things that can ruin your entire day, but what about the incidents that change your mood from ok(good) to bad? How is that? Am I giving it to much energy?

OR is it that thing called human nature that causes us to let the "things" that happen in day-2-day life negatively affect our moods? Or is that you can already be in a funk and that particular incident could've just set you off even more?

I think I just need to learn how to let things roll of my back...and know that I can't change what people think, do or feel...I've gotta just to take my own advice and say: It Is What It Is, You feel me?

Well - its almost the 28th of the month and we are counting down...10 days and counting...

IF you didnt' get the above sentence - CLICK HERE (PMDD)

On a lighter note - I did get an email from my baby cousin this morning that really did brighten up my day. It included these pictures...

Aren't they just Gorgeous??? Black Women RULE!!!

This picture right here...This joint is the TRUTH. I feel better just looking at it.

Girl's Night Out! - Off the Meat Rack

The Crew...

Someone needs to sit Justin Timberlake the hell down and let him know that Sexy is not a fad that comes and goes...its genetic baby...

Friday Night - the crew met up to celebrate "US," but most importantly to celebrate J.A.C.'s trip back home. We had the best time together. I don't think I laughed and got laughed at so much in my entire life (except for my trip back home to Miami).

It was so good to see J.A.C. - although we all keep in touch regularly via the internet, its good to see people and have human contact outside of emails, texts and blogs.

Anyway - Although we're all different and unique, we have so much fun together and get along really well. Most importantly, I feel like I can be really narcissistic, vain, goofy and extra (myself) with them and Rika has conditioned them to pay me NO MIND which I LOVE. Everybody can't do me...but these girls can...which is a rare find. And the good thing is that we don't have to see eachother all the time...HA!

Me and K.C. aka "The Youngin" - I got on her nerves the entire night...I know I did.
Before we came to dinner, I asked that everyone come prepared to discuss and share what they are most thankful for in their lives...I don't remember what everyone else said (lol) , but J.A.C. told us that she was thankful for "us" and our "blogs." Incredible Right? lol

Because I'm so extra and can never keep still (because of my A.D.H.D) - I sooo wanted to go out and dance and shake my lil' tail feather. Of course, K.C. was sleepy (because of the I-TIS) and Rika and T.C. wanted to go home (AS USUAL) with blankets, remote controls and TIVO at home (SO BORING!!!) - but J.A.C. the dancer had the final word - so we went out!

So After we left Kobe's - T.C.'s brother put us on to a Party at the Avenue in D.C. (click here for website) - When we pulled up, the line was long as hell...but T.C.'s peoples was running things at the club so we walked right up to the front of the club and got in with NO wait. It was so V.I.P...so you know I was really feelin myself...OK!

We really looked like celebrities - well at least I think I did. HA!

Anyway - a highlight for me and K.C. was the female employee who was checking ID's - and she just happened to be wearing a BOOTLEGG pair of 7 For All Mankind Jeans...and it was hilarious. I looked at K.C. and we both were thinking: "GOSH - that is the worst!"

Me, T.C. and K.C. cuttin up on the dance floor....I just realized that my mouth is HUGE and so are my teeth! Geeze!!!! BTW - for those of you who don't know...J.A.C. is an excellent dancer...she gets it in on the dance floor...T.C. and I are just professionally trained in the 2-step. lol

Me cracking up over something...These two were Hott Azz Mess - FOR REAL - they were grinding when we came in...EEW!!! she's got her back out and everything...

Rika and T.C. partying like "rock-stars"

The Gray Family - Mother's Day Celebration...

Some of the women in my family -

From Left to Right: Mommy, Aunt Mary, Auntie V, ME, Kelli, Grandma Helen and Aunt Joy

Yesterday was fabulous...but it was long as I don't know what. BUT overall! My weekend started out great -

Friday - girl's night out w/ T.C. Rika, J.A.C. and K.C. (which was unbelievably fun, mainly because I was off the hook and in rare "celebrity" form as USUAL) Pic's and recap to post soon on all of their blogs (including mine) soon...

Saturday - I was in Soccer Mom mode. Myself and some other Moms volunteered and had a bake sale to rasie money for my daughter's awesome ballet school. We had so much fun...I'm going to do a post about them soon (The Black & Fabulous Soccer Moms). Especially since I found out Saturday that most of them have been "secretly" reading my blog. HA! LOL!

Sunday - I got up at 6:00 a.m. in the morning to begin cooking for our Annual Mother's Day Celebration and then I went to church with the family. Usually, the men will cook (Mainly My Dad) but this year...the young ladies (me and kelli took over in the kitchen)...AND Yes - I can burn. Holla at your girl.

I hate to brag...but I'm going to do it anyway! lol - See, I've always been able to cook, I just haven't been this good until NOW. It took some time, committment and training in the kitchen. But its official now. I can burn.

Here was my menu:
BBQ Chicken
Fried Chicken
Green Beans w/Turkey Meat
Potato Salad (off the chain - you betta ask somebody)
Yellow Rice
Fried Whitings
Sweet-n-Sour Turkey Meatballs
We also had Crabs...

As you can tell from the menu - I'm old school and ghetto and proud of it.

But at times, my other family members can be slightly catergorized as black bourgeois' which really means: ghetto fabulous.

Here's why: MOST of the family, (with all their College Degrees and Oprah and Rachel Ray edu-ma-cation on health ) is on this "New-Age health kick."

They complained about how fattening my menu was and that "African Americans" needed to eat healthier and that "we needed to re-vamp the traditional soulfood menu," etc., etc., blah, blah, blah............but when I looked up, they all had full plates accompanied by greasy lips, fingers and hands from the fried chicken and fish.

Anyway, One of my aunt's (who is a health maniac) kindly told me that we needed to get away from eating fried foods, etc. And I kindly told her to BEAT it! I'm NEVER giving up fried chicken and fish - so Holla!

After I ate, I got what is known as the I-TIS (quick definition: when some African Americans eat home cooked meals they are known to become weary, sluggish or lethargic), so I laid down and watched I Love New York re-runs until I fell asleep.

Later that night, I was so excited to find out from Mommy while she was cleaning the kitchen that we had absolutely NO leftovers. NONE. They tore my food up ya'll. I'm so proud of myself. One of my Uncles told me that he thinks I might be ready for a husband now. HA!

Anyway - the day was great. I got to spend time with the family...which is always fun.

A-Da-Boe (Granny) was there with Grandpop. And boy were they off the hook. My grandfather kept pacing around back and forth asking "when are we going to eat, I ain't eat nothin' all day chile" lol

Maybe we do need to eat healthier...who knows? but I will say this: My grandfather has been eating soulfood all his life...and he's almost 90 years old and can get around better than my aunt who is an organic health food fanatic (lol) and in his words, "a little bit of fried chicken and fish ain't never hurt nobody."

Me and Aunt Joy (my other mother) lol -

Check out her website too - she's the Gospel Artist known as "Joy Omega" out of Texas: http://www.joyomega.com/default.htm

Happy Belated Mothers Day to all the Mommies!

See the Original "Baby Momma" on Broadway!

Let me know if your interested - CLICK on the IMAGE to view the ENTIRE FLIER...there are 3 tickets left...so Holla Back!

PS. You like that Flier??? lol

Beyonce - YOU are NOT WORTHY - Please sit the hell down!

Beyonce is on Tour...and a few days ago in Sydney,
she covered Jill Scott's "He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat)"

I'll admit that I’m a certified Beyonce' Stalker -
and I wouldn't normally disagree with anything she does…lol

But I'm torn on this one...

Because at the end of the day and underneath my obviously sick obsession with Beyonce' - I'm a music lover and I have respect for the artist and the craft...so I think that this song is off limits...

What do you think?

I mean of all songs to cover she chooses "He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat)" -
That's a no, no....Nelkie: I know you agree...

I've seen Jill Scott perform this live on three different occasions and each and every time I've seen her perform this song - you feel it in her soul...I mean it just envelops you when she performs this live...even when you listen to the CD...

Jill cries, we cry, the audience cries - I mean we just lose it. So "He Loves Me" is kind of off limits...because of its significance to Jill (obviously) and the power in the melody, the words, the arrangement, etc....

So Beyonce’ in the words of Rika - "Please Sit the Hell Down Somewheres"

I mean - that's like someone covering "My Life" - which is a definite NO, NO! That song is truly off limits...I remember when I saw Mary Live and when she sang it, by the second verse she was lying all in the floor and everything... and I mean we were out in the floor with her...literally. We were falling over crying and everything, right in there. - LMAO!

Hell, I even cry when I see Mary perform on TV...I cried when she was on the Grammys and all...as a matter of fact...I cry when I'm in the car and all...I'm a complete H.A.M. - I know...

But anyway, I'm not saying that those songs can't be covered...but at least wait until Mary and Jill are over 50 and we're at a BET Tribute concert before you "COVER" them BEYONCE! Geeze!

After all of that…click below to see it...and holla back!
http://clipsandkisses.com/blog/?p=239

Its Real.

Oh my gosh... I miss you so much.
There - I said it. Its in the universe.
I'm facing it...its real.
Yes. I miss you so much.
Its (this reality) not a moment.
It is not a phase.
Its real.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you.

I don’t know if the above can be categorized as poetry - lol…
Hell – I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a “Black Blogger Poet Laureate” like these guys…

J.A.C. - I Order You To....Experience it(Read it)
Eclectik - Dime Lines II....Experience it(Read it)

**we are not worthy** (your work is the truth)

FYI: J. CROFT (Webster) Definition of "Black Blogger Poet Laureate": 3. A poet acclaimed as the most excellent or most representative of a locality or group aka bloggers…

Anyway, the above is how I felt…and gosh – do I feel so much better now that I’ve gotten that out into the universe…Golden Girl inspired me to just get it out...

For so many years - I never thought that I had been in love.
I always questioned it (my love or the feeling)…regularly.
Relationship after relationship, I questioned it…

I mean, looking back (12 years – damn that’s a long time) I know I loved my daughter's father (and oh gosh…what a B.U.M. he was and still turned out to be) lol, but I know for sure that I wasn't in love with him. I even knew back then...(isn't that crazy? and to think - I stayed all that time)...

Hell, now that I'm older and all “grown-up” - I realize that my relationship with him was based on fear, dependence and the concept of familiarity.

To be continued…got a meeting to go to…damn!

Oh! Before I go – I coined that term "Black Blogger Poet Laureate"…so I want credit when you use it…LMBO!!!