Does Love Bear All Things?

When I want to be touched, you don’t touch me
When I want to be kissed, you don’t kiss me
You don’t hear me when I speak
And your thoughts are of everything but me

I seek the affection of you,
I seek the intimacy we once shared
I wish you would embrace me as you once did

In the past, you would look me in my eyes and kiss me
Your eyes would tell the story of your love for me
Now, I don't know who you love
There is only emptiness when I look into your eyes

Sure you are around me, but that’s not nearly enough
Because the real you isn’t really here with me
Sometimes you can be right next to me, yet it feels like you’re a million miles away…

I'm just so tired of this
Tired of fighting
I feel like I don't have anything else to give...

I want you in my life but I am done with feeling alone and unappreciated
It seems like every time I try to do something for us, its not good enough for you

Sometimes I think you just don’t care

You’ve turned your back on me and sometimes I wish you wouldn’t turn back around…then I could just walk away - but you just won't let go...

And I want more than anything to love you, but you keep making it hard

Maybe you don’t want us
Maybe you do

I have been more than patient with you

Your actions are making me want to just say:
the hell with it and just pick up where I left off…

I want us to be happy…but your not willing to do your part. I feel like I’ve made every effort to make this work…

But if you don’t want it for us…
I am begging you to please leave
and don’t look back…

Incredible…

I just don’t get people some times…I really don’t.

I have a friend well let’s just say that it’s a guy I used to date. I really liked him. He’s a business owner. And as an up and coming entrepreneur myself, I felt we had a lot in common…I figured we could bounce ideas off one another for our businesses.

The more we got to know each other he realized that I had some (basic) expertise in writing, editing, public relations and marketing. So of course – I did what any friend would do. I helped. No problem, no question and free of charge.

So whenever he needed help with drafting, editing and formatting proposals – I’d make myself available. Sometimes, I’d stay late at work to edit, print and copy projects for him. No questions asked…

I received no compensation or anything for the expenses incurred while helping him…and that was ok. I figured hey, we’re dating and he’s my friend so I genuinely wanted to help him.

Well – things didn’t work out between us. (And I’m not EVEN going to put DUDE on blast on the internet)

But we still keep in touch via email, texting, etc. – So today, he emails me and asks if I could help him out with some media outreach for a huge organization that he’s affiliated with that has a huge budget. I immediately jump at the opportunity because C&C could use the business.

I responded by saying: “Sure sweetie, I’d love to help. No problem…just send me a contract, etc. and address it to Croft & Clarke Consulting.”

And what do I get from him: NO response. None. Like I was supposed to email him my coveted media contact list and press connects for free?? HELL to the NO!

I just figured that since we’re not dating anymore, and what he asked me to do is going to take up huge amounts of my time – I’d figured I’d keep it strictly bizzy (business) and handle it as such.

This just goes to show that if they can - people will use you for any and everything. People don’t care that you have a 9 to 5 or that you have your own business and you’re trying to make a name for yourself or build a client base.

I cannot continue to do things for my family and friends for free anymore. I just can’t.

For example, I do some graphic designing and I’ve created things (flyers, invites, biz cards, etc.) for my family and friends and some of them don’t even have the heart to say things like: “Oh let me slide you $20 or $30 dollars for doing this...” They just expect it for free…

Its trifiling. Yeah, I said it. Its trashy and trifling.

But hell, it is what it is…

I just needed to get this off my chest…

Hump Day is the Worst...Geeze!

I’ve had such a horrible morning that I’m going to “LOOK UP!” as Tye Tribbett would say and focus on the good things is my life. Which would be the HAPS for my upcoming weekend!!!

This weekend is going to be great. I’m claiming it…

Here we go:

Since I’m finally done with the “Room-Mom/Soccer-Mom” stuff…the only activity that little mama has this summer is swimming lessons (which she absolutely loves) and piano lessons. And that’s it.

Friday night – hopefully, I’ll be spending sometime with my best friend. I miss her so much. We don’t get to hang out that often because I’ve just been too busy. It seems we only talk on the email lately...But its mainly because she’s LAZY and doesn’t like to be out late at night (which is usually the only time I have to do anything because I’m so busy during the day and evenings…) so I hope I get to see her before she leaves for vacation Saturday morning (I’m so jealous she’s going to Costa Rica)

Saturday Morn – I’m getting my hair done. Yes, I’m getting the good “Kitchen HAIR DOO” because my money is funny. So I have to go to the hood instead of seeing my regular stylist who charges me $65.00 a visit (but it’s worth it…because he makes my hair looks so luscious every time he touches it…)

Saturday Afternoon – Volunteering at Selah’s ballet school’s Awards Day Picnic (I’ll be a Soccer Mom just this last time…) lol

Saturday evening – Kiamsha’s Scholarship Benefit – I’ll get to see J.A.C., T.C. and K.C. (and get on K.C.'s everlasting nerves as usual…lol) ~ I’m not sure who I’m going to bring...but I’m excited about it. I bought 2 tickets last year…and I wasn’t able to make it…I am determined to support them with my presence this year.

Sunday Morn/Afternoon – spending time w/ my homeboy – He claims he needs my help with cleaning up his townhouse and straightening up. We’ll probably go to lunch downtown (D.C.) get the I-TIS, come home and crash on the couch and watch movies on the big screen…lol – I have a feeling we won’t be doing any cleaning because we’re both lazy and action movie fanatics…lol

Sunday Night – I’m taking Lil’ Mama to see Tye Tribbett and G.A. (short for Greater Anointing) in Baltimore, MD at Mt. Pleasant Church.

This is Lil' Mama's favorite group of all time. I have to listen to the CD all the time in the car…and she’s obsessed with the DVD of them Live. She’s knows all the 3 part harmonies to all of the songs. - She's a very strong High Alto too, just like her mama...lol

This LIVE CD has gotten me through some rough times in life...his music is so real.

BTW Family, here is an intereting tid-bit: James Poyser (writer/producer for Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill) worked closely w/ Tye Tribbet on the album...so you know their stuff is the truth...

If you haven’t heard of them…check it out – one of my favorite songs to sing w/ Lil Mama'…

Tye Tribbett & G.A. - Sinking
Uploaded by xbadboy

June 17, 2007

I called him this morning…I know I shouldn’t have. Because this time of year is really hard for me. But being the smart ass that I usually am – I called.

I was compelled to do so because Steve Harvey was doing a segment on “what a good father is…” and I figured I’d call him and suggest that he tune in so he could get some tips…and maybe he could learn something…

So I called him, told him to tune in and he said ok. I immediately hang up and turn up the volume.

My phone rings. Its him:

Me: “yes”

Him: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going to be able to make it to her “thing” on Saturday. But my mother and nem will be there.”

My eyes begin to sting.

All the while, I’m driving and thinking: How in the hell am I going to tell her he’s not coming? I don’t want to disappoint her…maybe if I don’t say anything, she’ll forget about him not coming due to all the excitement and hustle and bustle of the recital…

But knowing little mama’ she’s not going to forget. She never forgets anything.

I remember when we sat down at the table last month, addressed an envelop with his name on it and put the invitation to the ballet recital inside and left it on the table for Nana to mail…
SHE is going to remember when she doesn’t see him at the curtain call.

Him: “Hello?”

Me: “I heard you. I’m not surprised. Not one bit."
I'm thinking: And it doesn’t surprise me that you’d call the day before the recital to tell me

Him: “Oh, you not surprised?”

Me: “No, I’m not – I’m not surprised. I knew you weren’t coming. You never come through. I’m not surprised.”

Him: complete silence then - “Oh, Ok”- complete silence

Me: “I’m hanging up now”

As I wiped the wetness from my face…I was relieved when I turned the volume back up and Steve Harvey had moved from the “father’s day segment” onto the strawberry letter…

ITS a GIRL!!!

My Best Friend Just had a Baby - and I'm a proud Auntie Now!!!

Her name is Kammy (but we (others in the family) don't like that name)...however, we can't think of anything else to name her. So I'm taking suggestions...lol

She's so cute...and she smells good too. She even has a hot pink doggie leash with diamonds around the neck....(you know I love that right??)

Rika. is so neat and clean about her dog care. Kammy smells just like a new baby.

I always used to make fun of people with dogs...but ever since I laid eyes on her. I've been smitten! Hell, I'm planning birthday parties, doggy outings and play dates.

She's my "God Doggy-Daughter" - I'm a new Mom sort of.

Do you think we should have a christening? Well, God Forbid, something happens to Rika, I will solemnly pledge before God to be the best parent for her while Rika is unavailable....LOL! HA!!!!

Anyway, Rika is going on vacation in 2 weeks...and due to my busy schedule with work and the show, I won't be able to baby-sit (unfortunately). But I'll be picking her up from the Doggy Daycare a few times and we'll be coming to visit her every other day. Because I know Kammy will be very sad and lonely and she'll miss her family.

But the most hilarious thing about this new baby is that Rika finally knows what it feels like to be a MOM! LOL - because Kammy is so young, Rika has found out that she can't come and go as she pleases in the evenings. Especially before she got her shots, she couldnt' really take her out and do anything.

The weekend she brought her home, I wanted to go to the club...and when Rika told me she couldn't go because she didn't have a baby sitter and didn't want to leave her alone, I almost went crazy laughing! It was so funny.

RIKA: Welcome to my WORLD!!! HA!!!!

AND WHAT????!!!! - YES!!!!

I've been really busy all week...and I haven't felt like blogging about anything. But I had to come out of retirement for this one...I really had too.


This is great news! As a matter of fact, its the best damn news I've heard all week!

I have so many family members who have been arrested and some who are locked up right now.

And if given the opportunity (or break) that Paris had - some of them would be better off today.

But because they aren't filthy rich and a certain color (yes, I said it - its the truth in some cases) some have been given sentences that are harsh and over the top. This system has been so hard for people of color. AND not I'm not advocating for people who break the law. I'm advocating for fairness and JUSTICE.

Earlier - I felt like if you didn't have money, wealth, power or fame, you didn't stand a chance in the Justice System let alone this country...But I see that the public outcry stands for something...

I'm so glad that they sent her A-- BACK TO JAIL!!!!

YES!!!!! - I was just telling somebody yesterday that Paris, Lindsay BLO-HAN, or Nicole Ritchie wouldn't last one day out here on the streets as a regular person...just look at her a-- crying....LOL

Drinks are on me this weekend girls!!!!

BTW - I know my cousin Ray-Ray and nem' are jumping for joy right now in the joint!! HA!!! (yes, I do have a cousin named Ray-Ray that's doing 10 in the fed) LOL