What are the Odds of This Happening??

This past weekend, I went to my 10 Year High School Reunion.

For 2 years, I was member of the planning committee. I prepared for this special event, I went out with my mother and found a inexpensive dress (which I was really excited about because I'm cheap), I got my hair done and even invited a "special" date. (and boy did he look nice...)

Moving on...

The night was great, my hair stylist worked the hell out of my hair...my make-up was great and I get there - I'm working the registration desk, helping out, giving pagent/princess beauty waves and fake "kisses" and all of a sudden, my classmate walks thru the door with the same dress that I had on...it was un-freaking believable...truly.

This is like the story of my life...stuff like this always happens to me...its as if I'm freakin cursed...LOL - I mean, I felt like I was in the middle of a High School High Musical Reuion Movie Gone Bad (NIGHTMARE sounds better)

I mean, what are the odds of this happpening? I mean - what are the odds of one going to their 10 year reuion and having someone show up with the SAME exact dress on????





But I have to be honest...great minds think alike...I rocked my Red BCBG Peek-a-Boo Pumps with Red earrings, etc. and she did black accessories with black pumps...so it worked out fine. But it was truly unbelievable...it was the talk of the reuion...LOL...someone even joked that we staged or planned the whole thing.

BUT - I did learn one thing: That I need to end my love affair with Forever 21 - this obsession has got to stop, this company is producing mass amounts of cheap clothing. Hell, with the luck I have, the next thing I know I'll be at the club shaking my one-bun and 20 chicken-heads with bad weaves will have on the same $10.00 top that I'm wearing...

I knew I should've bought that LaRok Sequin Mini Jersey dress on Clearance in Savvy at Nordstrom, but hell - that's what I get for being cheap.

Overall - the evening was great! It was good to see my friends again...the class of 1997 was truly one of a kind...

J.A.G. - "Throwback Joint"

"It touches my soul man..." - J.A.G.

WIPE ME DOWN!!! - Get Em' Girl

J.W. - this is for you baby...Get Em' Girl!(I want a "wipe me down" moment before the summer is over) HA!!!

Turn Your Speakers up Everybody!!
This joint rocks in the club!!!

Wipe Me Down
Uploaded by DJ_TREAL

"I was just wondering, could you wipe me down" (priceless) LMBO!!!!

Tag! Your It! ?&^%$$!!

Thanks to my boo-boo Golden Girl I've been tagged - Geeze!!!

Rules: 1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts. 2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I love Anime - I'm addicted to it.

Last night, I was up late last night watching Samurai Deeper Kyo until about 2:00 a.m. (yes...I'm tired...but every episode and fight scene is worth it) I've also converted my lil' mamma too - she and I both are HUGE Fans of Avatar the Last Air Bender (btw, you can catch episodes every monday and tuesday night at 10:00 and 10:30 p.m. on NICKTUNES)

2. I am a Lord of the Rings Fanatic.

My friends made fun of me because I was never into the "normal" stuff coming up. They told me I was "weird." I love J.R.R. Tolkien - By the age of 14, I had already read all three books and was a HUGE fan of the Hobbit. I even have the collectors DVD for each movie. I also own the following collectors items:

The Lord of the Rings Monopoly Game
Arwen™ Evenstar™ Pendant
The One Ring to rule them all (with a necklace) - lol
Middle Earth Maps and Posters
Collectors Edition: Lord of the Rings Trilogy

3. My Blood Type is R.H. Negative - click here for more information

4. I'm very Lazy. My favorite thing to do is to lay around eat and watch T.V. (which I rarely get to do because I'm always busy)

5. My minor in college was Arabic.

6. I'm allergic to certain crustaceans (lobster & shrimp). But what makes this interesting people is that I still eat them. Yes. I eat them. My mother used to get so madd at me, Because I would sit around and eat shrimp, lobsters, crabs, etc. and start itching and swelling up in the face & throat and get red all over and she'd have to nurse me back to health, etc.

7. Out of all the women in my family - I have the smallest feet. All the women in my family stand atleast 5'9 and above and the average shoe size is 10 and UP! However, I wear a size 8 1/2 narrow and normally I can fit comfortably in a size 8. In high school, I could fit a size 6 1/2 kids in tennis (so I kep a fresh pair of nikes on the low-low)

8. I can sing. (Ughhh - I can't believe I just typed that)
My entire family sings. My grandmother and aunts all play the piano. My aunt is a song writer and upcoming artist on the gospel music scene, my uncles sing and play the piano. My brother plays - Everybody is musically gifted. - I just don't care to participate. I just like to listen.

I grew up singing in church from the age of 5 on up with my cousin Johnelka. We sang on the children's choir, the youth choir, the young adult choir even the MASS choir as youngins). We used to sing solos together. We used to be asked to sing on demand when we were younger (lol) ALL the time - at events, cook-outs, family dinners, etc. And to be honest, I disliked it a great deal.

I just didn't like singing in front of people (i know its hard to believe because I'm so extra and need attention - lol - but I didn't like it)

Johnelka still sings - As a matter of fact, I heard she sang the hell out of an India Arie song at a wedding this past weekend...

Anyway -

I tag

Dreamy-J
Leela - The Stuff Dreams are Made of
Monie
Mommy With a Purpose
Trapped-N-My-Thoughts
Mystery

I've linked to their blogs too (just click on the name) - check em' out and welcome them family - they have some great blogs!

Smooches!!!

Why are YOU so Adorable????

Cammie - we love you. You make our hearts melt. No matter how many times you poop on Rika's carpet or jump on our legs and scratch us - you will always be the baby of the family.

You and I are going to have a play date this weekend and I'm going shower you with lots of hugs!!

I'm addicted to MySpace.com - (and yes - its like Crack)

I've been on a leave from blogging for almost 20 days. It hasn't been because I'm busy. Well - I have actually been busy at work...but its been because I have embarked on a path that I never thought in a million years that I'd be taking -

I am officially addicted to MySpace.

Instead of visiting blogs...I now visit the profile pages of potential friends and old ones on MySpace.

For so long - I hated on myspace. I talked about anybody who had a page and dismissed the site as meaningless use of the internet. I praised and held bloggers at a higher level than the low-life users of the online "friend-space" - but now I have become what I've feared the most - I've become regular user.

I check my myspace inbox before I even crack open my yahoo or pocketpc.

Its gotten so bad that when I can't sleep, I immediately turn on my laptop and log-on to MySpace (yes-people - that is truly unbelievable...)

However - I will admit that I miss the blogger community while I was out on my little myspace binge.

There is so much that I have and wanted to share -

- My Accident (yes I was in another accident people - my friends now refer to me as "Final Destination" and "9-Lives") LMAO
- Why I'm afraid to fall in love again
- Learning how to break my shopping addiction
- Monique's Charm School Season and Reunion Show (and how it re-energized me)

However, I realized that I wouldn't dare blog or share that information in a "myspace- post or bulletin" with "TOM" and nem' - so that's the one thing that Myspace lacks...it lacks the sense of community & closeness that we have here in the land of black bloggers...

When I'm reading the pages of my fellow bloggers - I'm given a glimpse into the "real" and "authentic" them.

But most importantly - it is the comments/feedback that I love to read and get from the bloggers - it lets you know that you're not alone...I love to get the "I heart you's" and the "I feel you girl!" from you everybody...

I also love the fact that I have a forum to share my thoughts and life with everyday people - hell, I've read some posts that have made me cry, laugh, some have even stopped me from walking off a job or knocking a friend or co-worker in the head...so this blogger thing is good for something. LMAO

Also, I know that if I haven't spoken to any of my email buddies - I can always read their blogs to see what's good or if I need to place an actual phone call other than comment or email (when they are going through...LOL)

PS (because I'm still in recovery - if any of you want to share your myspace pages with me...let me know so I can request you as a friend as soon as I log out of Blogger...) LMAO

Does Love Bear All Things?

When I want to be touched, you don’t touch me
When I want to be kissed, you don’t kiss me
You don’t hear me when I speak
And your thoughts are of everything but me

I seek the affection of you,
I seek the intimacy we once shared
I wish you would embrace me as you once did

In the past, you would look me in my eyes and kiss me
Your eyes would tell the story of your love for me
Now, I don't know who you love
There is only emptiness when I look into your eyes

Sure you are around me, but that’s not nearly enough
Because the real you isn’t really here with me
Sometimes you can be right next to me, yet it feels like you’re a million miles away…

I'm just so tired of this
Tired of fighting
I feel like I don't have anything else to give...

I want you in my life but I am done with feeling alone and unappreciated
It seems like every time I try to do something for us, its not good enough for you

Sometimes I think you just don’t care

You’ve turned your back on me and sometimes I wish you wouldn’t turn back around…then I could just walk away - but you just won't let go...

And I want more than anything to love you, but you keep making it hard

Maybe you don’t want us
Maybe you do

I have been more than patient with you

Your actions are making me want to just say:
the hell with it and just pick up where I left off…

I want us to be happy…but your not willing to do your part. I feel like I’ve made every effort to make this work…

But if you don’t want it for us…
I am begging you to please leave
and don’t look back…

Incredible…

I just don’t get people some times…I really don’t.

I have a friend well let’s just say that it’s a guy I used to date. I really liked him. He’s a business owner. And as an up and coming entrepreneur myself, I felt we had a lot in common…I figured we could bounce ideas off one another for our businesses.

The more we got to know each other he realized that I had some (basic) expertise in writing, editing, public relations and marketing. So of course – I did what any friend would do. I helped. No problem, no question and free of charge.

So whenever he needed help with drafting, editing and formatting proposals – I’d make myself available. Sometimes, I’d stay late at work to edit, print and copy projects for him. No questions asked…

I received no compensation or anything for the expenses incurred while helping him…and that was ok. I figured hey, we’re dating and he’s my friend so I genuinely wanted to help him.

Well – things didn’t work out between us. (And I’m not EVEN going to put DUDE on blast on the internet)

But we still keep in touch via email, texting, etc. – So today, he emails me and asks if I could help him out with some media outreach for a huge organization that he’s affiliated with that has a huge budget. I immediately jump at the opportunity because C&C could use the business.

I responded by saying: “Sure sweetie, I’d love to help. No problem…just send me a contract, etc. and address it to Croft & Clarke Consulting.”

And what do I get from him: NO response. None. Like I was supposed to email him my coveted media contact list and press connects for free?? HELL to the NO!

I just figured that since we’re not dating anymore, and what he asked me to do is going to take up huge amounts of my time – I’d figured I’d keep it strictly bizzy (business) and handle it as such.

This just goes to show that if they can - people will use you for any and everything. People don’t care that you have a 9 to 5 or that you have your own business and you’re trying to make a name for yourself or build a client base.

I cannot continue to do things for my family and friends for free anymore. I just can’t.

For example, I do some graphic designing and I’ve created things (flyers, invites, biz cards, etc.) for my family and friends and some of them don’t even have the heart to say things like: “Oh let me slide you $20 or $30 dollars for doing this...” They just expect it for free…

Its trifiling. Yeah, I said it. Its trashy and trifling.

But hell, it is what it is…

I just needed to get this off my chest…

Hump Day is the Worst...Geeze!

I’ve had such a horrible morning that I’m going to “LOOK UP!” as Tye Tribbett would say and focus on the good things is my life. Which would be the HAPS for my upcoming weekend!!!

This weekend is going to be great. I’m claiming it…

Here we go:

Since I’m finally done with the “Room-Mom/Soccer-Mom” stuff…the only activity that little mama has this summer is swimming lessons (which she absolutely loves) and piano lessons. And that’s it.

Friday night – hopefully, I’ll be spending sometime with my best friend. I miss her so much. We don’t get to hang out that often because I’ve just been too busy. It seems we only talk on the email lately...But its mainly because she’s LAZY and doesn’t like to be out late at night (which is usually the only time I have to do anything because I’m so busy during the day and evenings…) so I hope I get to see her before she leaves for vacation Saturday morning (I’m so jealous she’s going to Costa Rica)

Saturday Morn – I’m getting my hair done. Yes, I’m getting the good “Kitchen HAIR DOO” because my money is funny. So I have to go to the hood instead of seeing my regular stylist who charges me $65.00 a visit (but it’s worth it…because he makes my hair looks so luscious every time he touches it…)

Saturday Afternoon – Volunteering at Selah’s ballet school’s Awards Day Picnic (I’ll be a Soccer Mom just this last time…) lol

Saturday evening – Kiamsha’s Scholarship Benefit – I’ll get to see J.A.C., T.C. and K.C. (and get on K.C.'s everlasting nerves as usual…lol) ~ I’m not sure who I’m going to bring...but I’m excited about it. I bought 2 tickets last year…and I wasn’t able to make it…I am determined to support them with my presence this year.

Sunday Morn/Afternoon – spending time w/ my homeboy – He claims he needs my help with cleaning up his townhouse and straightening up. We’ll probably go to lunch downtown (D.C.) get the I-TIS, come home and crash on the couch and watch movies on the big screen…lol – I have a feeling we won’t be doing any cleaning because we’re both lazy and action movie fanatics…lol

Sunday Night – I’m taking Lil’ Mama to see Tye Tribbett and G.A. (short for Greater Anointing) in Baltimore, MD at Mt. Pleasant Church.

This is Lil' Mama's favorite group of all time. I have to listen to the CD all the time in the car…and she’s obsessed with the DVD of them Live. She’s knows all the 3 part harmonies to all of the songs. - She's a very strong High Alto too, just like her mama...lol

This LIVE CD has gotten me through some rough times in life...his music is so real.

BTW Family, here is an intereting tid-bit: James Poyser (writer/producer for Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill) worked closely w/ Tye Tribbet on the album...so you know their stuff is the truth...

If you haven’t heard of them…check it out – one of my favorite songs to sing w/ Lil Mama'…

Tye Tribbett & G.A. - Sinking
Uploaded by xbadboy

June 17, 2007

I called him this morning…I know I shouldn’t have. Because this time of year is really hard for me. But being the smart ass that I usually am – I called.

I was compelled to do so because Steve Harvey was doing a segment on “what a good father is…” and I figured I’d call him and suggest that he tune in so he could get some tips…and maybe he could learn something…

So I called him, told him to tune in and he said ok. I immediately hang up and turn up the volume.

My phone rings. Its him:

Me: “yes”

Him: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going to be able to make it to her “thing” on Saturday. But my mother and nem will be there.”

My eyes begin to sting.

All the while, I’m driving and thinking: How in the hell am I going to tell her he’s not coming? I don’t want to disappoint her…maybe if I don’t say anything, she’ll forget about him not coming due to all the excitement and hustle and bustle of the recital…

But knowing little mama’ she’s not going to forget. She never forgets anything.

I remember when we sat down at the table last month, addressed an envelop with his name on it and put the invitation to the ballet recital inside and left it on the table for Nana to mail…
SHE is going to remember when she doesn’t see him at the curtain call.

Him: “Hello?”

Me: “I heard you. I’m not surprised. Not one bit."
I'm thinking: And it doesn’t surprise me that you’d call the day before the recital to tell me

Him: “Oh, you not surprised?”

Me: “No, I’m not – I’m not surprised. I knew you weren’t coming. You never come through. I’m not surprised.”

Him: complete silence then - “Oh, Ok”- complete silence

Me: “I’m hanging up now”

As I wiped the wetness from my face…I was relieved when I turned the volume back up and Steve Harvey had moved from the “father’s day segment” onto the strawberry letter…

ITS a GIRL!!!

My Best Friend Just had a Baby - and I'm a proud Auntie Now!!!

Her name is Kammy (but we (others in the family) don't like that name)...however, we can't think of anything else to name her. So I'm taking suggestions...lol

She's so cute...and she smells good too. She even has a hot pink doggie leash with diamonds around the neck....(you know I love that right??)

Rika. is so neat and clean about her dog care. Kammy smells just like a new baby.

I always used to make fun of people with dogs...but ever since I laid eyes on her. I've been smitten! Hell, I'm planning birthday parties, doggy outings and play dates.

She's my "God Doggy-Daughter" - I'm a new Mom sort of.

Do you think we should have a christening? Well, God Forbid, something happens to Rika, I will solemnly pledge before God to be the best parent for her while Rika is unavailable....LOL! HA!!!!

Anyway, Rika is going on vacation in 2 weeks...and due to my busy schedule with work and the show, I won't be able to baby-sit (unfortunately). But I'll be picking her up from the Doggy Daycare a few times and we'll be coming to visit her every other day. Because I know Kammy will be very sad and lonely and she'll miss her family.

But the most hilarious thing about this new baby is that Rika finally knows what it feels like to be a MOM! LOL - because Kammy is so young, Rika has found out that she can't come and go as she pleases in the evenings. Especially before she got her shots, she couldnt' really take her out and do anything.

The weekend she brought her home, I wanted to go to the club...and when Rika told me she couldn't go because she didn't have a baby sitter and didn't want to leave her alone, I almost went crazy laughing! It was so funny.

RIKA: Welcome to my WORLD!!! HA!!!!

AND WHAT????!!!! - YES!!!!

I've been really busy all week...and I haven't felt like blogging about anything. But I had to come out of retirement for this one...I really had too.


This is great news! As a matter of fact, its the best damn news I've heard all week!

I have so many family members who have been arrested and some who are locked up right now.

And if given the opportunity (or break) that Paris had - some of them would be better off today.

But because they aren't filthy rich and a certain color (yes, I said it - its the truth in some cases) some have been given sentences that are harsh and over the top. This system has been so hard for people of color. AND not I'm not advocating for people who break the law. I'm advocating for fairness and JUSTICE.

Earlier - I felt like if you didn't have money, wealth, power or fame, you didn't stand a chance in the Justice System let alone this country...But I see that the public outcry stands for something...

I'm so glad that they sent her A-- BACK TO JAIL!!!!

YES!!!!! - I was just telling somebody yesterday that Paris, Lindsay BLO-HAN, or Nicole Ritchie wouldn't last one day out here on the streets as a regular person...just look at her a-- crying....LOL

Drinks are on me this weekend girls!!!!

BTW - I know my cousin Ray-Ray and nem' are jumping for joy right now in the joint!! HA!!! (yes, I do have a cousin named Ray-Ray that's doing 10 in the fed) LOL

The Wages of Silence is Death...Part 1

This weekend should have been a joyous time for me…and for the most part it was. I did the cookout thing and my family reunion was this weekend. My baby brother came to visit this weekend so we got to spend time with the family (pictures are coming).

But I was overwhelmed with so much grief that I couldn’t really enjoy it. I couldn’t get myself together…and right now, I feel like I still can’t.

Unlike some of us, I had to work this weekend (community outreach) – Yeah, that’s right! I’m hating…LOL - But its all good…it was worth it.

But seriously, this weekend, apart of my job was to research the state of HIV/AIDS within my community and specifically among black women ages 25 to 50.

I was familiar with it first hand...The disease has touched me directly (I’ve lost 3 family members (ALL WOMEN) to AIDS related illnesses). So I thought I could handle this. I thought I was tough. But I was dead wrong.

When I did my research, what I found was frightening. I almost felt helpless when I learned where we (black people) stood in the midst of this deadly thing called AIDS.

I found out that African Americas make up almost 75% of all HIV/AIDS diagnosis in the area. And this is true for most areas throughout the entire United States.

On top of that, I found that because of the SILENCE and the stigma that people living with the virus face within our own community, people aren't disclosing their status. Nor do they want to get tested for fear of being stigmatized.

Because of this and many other factors, African American women (men and children) are dying from HIV/AIDS related illnesses faster than any other ethnic group.

I found out that almost 80% of the African American churches in my own community do not have HIV/AIDS ministries or departments, nor are they partnering with non-profit organizations and local government agencies to help our women, men and children who are dying from this disease.

This is crazy. If we know that black people account for almost half of the AIDS diagnosis in the United States!!! And you know most of us attend church faithfully every Sunday - anyone with a brain would gather that there are black people attending church every Sunday that are living with HIV/AIDS!!! DUH!!!

So why aren't we talking about this in the pulpit on Sundays?? Why?

Anyway, for my research I was given the opportunity to interview a Black woman who had been living with the disease for almost 12 years. And what she shared with me broke my entire heart into little pieces. She shared with me that when she learned of her positive HIV status, her church turned its back on her. They did not help her and encouraged her NOT to DISCLOSE her status to the congregation. She was even told by some to LIE and say that she had cancer instead of saying she had HIV/AIDS.

I firmly believed that if she was given a forum or opportunity to share her testimony, other lives could have been saved.

While listening to her story, I couldn't help but think about the women in my church that may be living "SILENTLY" with this disease. I couldn't help but think that they may be afraid to disclose for fear of being stigmatized. They can't even get support in the one place that is supposed to be safe and holy.

We need to see the face of this disease, we need to see with our own eyes that it could be your mother, aunt, your sister, brother, son EVEN your grandmother (yes, this woman was a grandmother) - we must take the stigma away from this disease.

Shouldn’t the church be a place of refuge for the broken and torn? Isn’t the church where we go to get healing, love and support? Why are they silent on this issue? Where are the churches?

We used the churches as a HAVEN during the Civil Rights Movement…It was the "meeting place," it was where we went to mobilize and strategize...

It’s the one place where the majority of us are one day out of the week. So why can’t this place…Our "church" be the place where the movement to eradicate this deadly disease starts? Why are we silent when our women and children are dying? Our babies are dying...Why are we silent on this issue?

All too often, we hear the scripture, Romans 6:23 quoted in churches that the “wages of sin is death…” but I learned this weekend from my research, that the wages of silence is death…

When will we start talking?

When will we speak up?

Because of our silence, we are dying.

Broken Hearted,

JCroft

All You Need In Your Life...

Stay Hood, JCroft

I'm all over the place today (A.D.D. Moment)...Can you keep up?

My Money is so funny right now. If you feel me, Holla Back! I mean really, I can’t be the only one out here feeling that way. What’s really good?

Who knew I’d be spending $150-160 a week in gas alone? I mean its like you almost have to get a part-time job just to cover expenses for gas now.

It’s the worst when people think they know you or have you figured out, but they really don’t.

I thank God for the people who really know me. But wait a minute, That is so much more important than the latter sentence! Geeze! Get it together.

For the past 16 WEEKS my entire life has been hi-jacked by my daughter’s extra-curricular activities, etc. (Ballet, Jazz, Tap, Hip-Hop, School, Piano, etc., etc., etc.)

Where in the hell is her father? I mean really? Why is it that every time I call and ask him to help out, I get “Well I’m out of town this weekend” – But for real though, who does that? What person with children is able to do that or would want to do that? Especially if you’re not taking them with you?

Here’s your answer: A DEAD BEAT…

I know its hard. Its what I chose. The hand I knew I would be dealt. But sometimes I feel like I can’t do it. No, let’s be real, sometimes I don’t want to do it. Some Saturdays, I'm sleep walking...Sometimes I feel like I don’t have it in me. But I find it. I press...

And I believe and know that all things work…. (you finish it)

I have some real strong sister-friends & women in my life right now. I’m so proud of them. I feel like we’re changing the world right in our own circle. I’m so proud to know them and to be a part of the work. Together we are changing OUR world, one life at a time.

What’s wrong with being ghetto or hood? Its one of the most important things that I give credit to my father for doing in my life. Keepin' me linked to my peoples and my family in the hood, Even when my uppity Momma didn't like it. I love the fact that I’m hood and educated.

I dated a guy once that didn’t like it when I got home from work and spoke what he called “e-bonics.” He didn’t particularly care for my family in the hood or that side of me either. Of course you know I got rid of his boring azz…...

Anyway, I love that I'm street...I love that I think quick on my feet, and that I'm hood smart, I love the fact that I can fight fair AND dirty when I have to (lol). I love the idea that I smell a fraud or "fake-one" a mile away. In my humble opinion, a sister that's fine, hood and educated is a triple threat.

T.C. – I can’t wait for your post. Get it together please. Rika, you’re gonna love it.

Stay Hood,

JCroft

Why is it so peezy all the time Beyonce'??? Why???

WHY is BEYONCE's HAIR Always a gott-damn mess?? SOMEBODY please tell me WHY?????? WHY???

How can you make millions of dollars and not afford to at least keep a Olive Oil Relaxer Kit (SUPER) on stand-by at all times????

Don't get me wrong. I love my natural sisters.

And I'm not saying that its anything wrong with wearing your hair in its natural state. I myself haven't had a relaxer in almost 11 months. But BEYONCE!! Come on! If you're going to wear your hair in a relaxed state with weaves and lace fronts...at least comb it...or keep it up. Flat Iron it or something. Somebody needs to take a straigtening comb to her hair quick!
SHE looks a Hott Azz Mess. PERIOD.

Remembering and Celebrating Malcolm X

From the looks of these last 2 posts...those of you who know me personally can tell that I spent the weekend with my Father. So I'm on that T.I.P this week (if you know what I mean)...LOL anyway - more seriously...

May 19, 2007 would have been Malcolm X's 82nd birthday. He was only 39-years-old when he was assassinated.

Today - We remember our brother Malcolm X.

The words of Malcolm X -

“We declare our right on this earth to be a human being, to be respected as a human being, to be given the rights of a human being in this society, on this earth, in this day, which we intend to bring into existence by any means necessary.”

“Sitting at the table doesn't make you a diner, unless you eat some of what's on that plate. Being here in America doesn't make you an American. Being born here in America doesn't make you an American.”

“The future belongs to those who prepare for it today.”

"When a person places the proper value on freedom, there is nothing under the sun that he will not do to acquire that freedom. Whenever you hear a man saying he wants freedom, but in the next breath he is going to tell you what he won't do to get it, or what he doesn't believe in doing in order to get it, he doesn't believe in freedom. A man who believes in freedom will do anything under the sun to acquire . . . or preserve his freedom."

"You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom."

"Stumbling is not falling."

"Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it."

"The only way we'll get freedom for ourselves is to identify ourselves with every oppressed people in the world. We are blood brothers to the people of Brazil, Venezuela, Haiti, Cuba -- yes Cuba too."

"I believe that there will ultimately be a clash between the oppressed and those that do the oppressing. I believe that there will be a clash between those who want freedom, justice and equality for everyone and those who want to continue the systems of exploitation."

"I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it's for or against."

- Malcolm X
May 19, 1925 – February 21, 1965

My Dad at home (In Africa)

Our Ancestors were praying to the East before Muhammed... The above image pre-dates Islam...which didn't come until 2000 years later in the 7th A.D. - if you don't believe me...take a trip to Borders...HA! - Geeze, my dad looks so funny in this pictures! lol

Pashedu - Chief Tomb Builder for the Pharoahs (Cliff Tombs), A chapel In the Valley of the Kings

WHY???

How is that one incident, a thing, a person, a phone-call, an email or anything can have the potential to RUIN your entire day?

Ok, Ok, I know...that comment was an exxageration...I'm so extra...Geeze! -

But for real, I mean sometimes there ARE things that can ruin your entire day, but what about the incidents that change your mood from ok(good) to bad? How is that? Am I giving it to much energy?

OR is it that thing called human nature that causes us to let the "things" that happen in day-2-day life negatively affect our moods? Or is that you can already be in a funk and that particular incident could've just set you off even more?

I think I just need to learn how to let things roll of my back...and know that I can't change what people think, do or feel...I've gotta just to take my own advice and say: It Is What It Is, You feel me?

Well - its almost the 28th of the month and we are counting down...10 days and counting...

IF you didnt' get the above sentence - CLICK HERE (PMDD)

On a lighter note - I did get an email from my baby cousin this morning that really did brighten up my day. It included these pictures...

Aren't they just Gorgeous??? Black Women RULE!!!

This picture right here...This joint is the TRUTH. I feel better just looking at it.

Girl's Night Out! - Off the Meat Rack

The Crew...

Someone needs to sit Justin Timberlake the hell down and let him know that Sexy is not a fad that comes and goes...its genetic baby...

Friday Night - the crew met up to celebrate "US," but most importantly to celebrate J.A.C.'s trip back home. We had the best time together. I don't think I laughed and got laughed at so much in my entire life (except for my trip back home to Miami).

It was so good to see J.A.C. - although we all keep in touch regularly via the internet, its good to see people and have human contact outside of emails, texts and blogs.

Anyway - Although we're all different and unique, we have so much fun together and get along really well. Most importantly, I feel like I can be really narcissistic, vain, goofy and extra (myself) with them and Rika has conditioned them to pay me NO MIND which I LOVE. Everybody can't do me...but these girls can...which is a rare find. And the good thing is that we don't have to see eachother all the time...HA!

Me and K.C. aka "The Youngin" - I got on her nerves the entire night...I know I did.
Before we came to dinner, I asked that everyone come prepared to discuss and share what they are most thankful for in their lives...I don't remember what everyone else said (lol) , but J.A.C. told us that she was thankful for "us" and our "blogs." Incredible Right? lol

Because I'm so extra and can never keep still (because of my A.D.H.D) - I sooo wanted to go out and dance and shake my lil' tail feather. Of course, K.C. was sleepy (because of the I-TIS) and Rika and T.C. wanted to go home (AS USUAL) with blankets, remote controls and TIVO at home (SO BORING!!!) - but J.A.C. the dancer had the final word - so we went out!

So After we left Kobe's - T.C.'s brother put us on to a Party at the Avenue in D.C. (click here for website) - When we pulled up, the line was long as hell...but T.C.'s peoples was running things at the club so we walked right up to the front of the club and got in with NO wait. It was so V.I.P...so you know I was really feelin myself...OK!

We really looked like celebrities - well at least I think I did. HA!

Anyway - a highlight for me and K.C. was the female employee who was checking ID's - and she just happened to be wearing a BOOTLEGG pair of 7 For All Mankind Jeans...and it was hilarious. I looked at K.C. and we both were thinking: "GOSH - that is the worst!"

Me, T.C. and K.C. cuttin up on the dance floor....I just realized that my mouth is HUGE and so are my teeth! Geeze!!!! BTW - for those of you who don't know...J.A.C. is an excellent dancer...she gets it in on the dance floor...T.C. and I are just professionally trained in the 2-step. lol

Me cracking up over something...These two were Hott Azz Mess - FOR REAL - they were grinding when we came in...EEW!!! she's got her back out and everything...

Rika and T.C. partying like "rock-stars"

The Gray Family - Mother's Day Celebration...

Some of the women in my family -

From Left to Right: Mommy, Aunt Mary, Auntie V, ME, Kelli, Grandma Helen and Aunt Joy

Yesterday was fabulous...but it was long as I don't know what. BUT overall! My weekend started out great -

Friday - girl's night out w/ T.C. Rika, J.A.C. and K.C. (which was unbelievably fun, mainly because I was off the hook and in rare "celebrity" form as USUAL) Pic's and recap to post soon on all of their blogs (including mine) soon...

Saturday - I was in Soccer Mom mode. Myself and some other Moms volunteered and had a bake sale to rasie money for my daughter's awesome ballet school. We had so much fun...I'm going to do a post about them soon (The Black & Fabulous Soccer Moms). Especially since I found out Saturday that most of them have been "secretly" reading my blog. HA! LOL!

Sunday - I got up at 6:00 a.m. in the morning to begin cooking for our Annual Mother's Day Celebration and then I went to church with the family. Usually, the men will cook (Mainly My Dad) but this year...the young ladies (me and kelli took over in the kitchen)...AND Yes - I can burn. Holla at your girl.

I hate to brag...but I'm going to do it anyway! lol - See, I've always been able to cook, I just haven't been this good until NOW. It took some time, committment and training in the kitchen. But its official now. I can burn.

Here was my menu:
BBQ Chicken
Fried Chicken
Green Beans w/Turkey Meat
Potato Salad (off the chain - you betta ask somebody)
Yellow Rice
Fried Whitings
Sweet-n-Sour Turkey Meatballs
We also had Crabs...

As you can tell from the menu - I'm old school and ghetto and proud of it.

But at times, my other family members can be slightly catergorized as black bourgeois' which really means: ghetto fabulous.

Here's why: MOST of the family, (with all their College Degrees and Oprah and Rachel Ray edu-ma-cation on health ) is on this "New-Age health kick."

They complained about how fattening my menu was and that "African Americans" needed to eat healthier and that "we needed to re-vamp the traditional soulfood menu," etc., etc., blah, blah, blah............but when I looked up, they all had full plates accompanied by greasy lips, fingers and hands from the fried chicken and fish.

Anyway, One of my aunt's (who is a health maniac) kindly told me that we needed to get away from eating fried foods, etc. And I kindly told her to BEAT it! I'm NEVER giving up fried chicken and fish - so Holla!

After I ate, I got what is known as the I-TIS (quick definition: when some African Americans eat home cooked meals they are known to become weary, sluggish or lethargic), so I laid down and watched I Love New York re-runs until I fell asleep.

Later that night, I was so excited to find out from Mommy while she was cleaning the kitchen that we had absolutely NO leftovers. NONE. They tore my food up ya'll. I'm so proud of myself. One of my Uncles told me that he thinks I might be ready for a husband now. HA!

Anyway - the day was great. I got to spend time with the family...which is always fun.

A-Da-Boe (Granny) was there with Grandpop. And boy were they off the hook. My grandfather kept pacing around back and forth asking "when are we going to eat, I ain't eat nothin' all day chile" lol

Maybe we do need to eat healthier...who knows? but I will say this: My grandfather has been eating soulfood all his life...and he's almost 90 years old and can get around better than my aunt who is an organic health food fanatic (lol) and in his words, "a little bit of fried chicken and fish ain't never hurt nobody."

Me and Aunt Joy (my other mother) lol -

Check out her website too - she's the Gospel Artist known as "Joy Omega" out of Texas: http://www.joyomega.com/default.htm

Happy Belated Mothers Day to all the Mommies!

See the Original "Baby Momma" on Broadway!

Let me know if your interested - CLICK on the IMAGE to view the ENTIRE FLIER...there are 3 tickets left...so Holla Back!

PS. You like that Flier??? lol

Beyonce - YOU are NOT WORTHY - Please sit the hell down!

Beyonce is on Tour...and a few days ago in Sydney,
she covered Jill Scott's "He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat)"

I'll admit that I’m a certified Beyonce' Stalker -
and I wouldn't normally disagree with anything she does…lol

But I'm torn on this one...

Because at the end of the day and underneath my obviously sick obsession with Beyonce' - I'm a music lover and I have respect for the artist and the craft...so I think that this song is off limits...

What do you think?

I mean of all songs to cover she chooses "He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat)" -
That's a no, no....Nelkie: I know you agree...

I've seen Jill Scott perform this live on three different occasions and each and every time I've seen her perform this song - you feel it in her soul...I mean it just envelops you when she performs this live...even when you listen to the CD...

Jill cries, we cry, the audience cries - I mean we just lose it. So "He Loves Me" is kind of off limits...because of its significance to Jill (obviously) and the power in the melody, the words, the arrangement, etc....

So Beyonce’ in the words of Rika - "Please Sit the Hell Down Somewheres"

I mean - that's like someone covering "My Life" - which is a definite NO, NO! That song is truly off limits...I remember when I saw Mary Live and when she sang it, by the second verse she was lying all in the floor and everything... and I mean we were out in the floor with her...literally. We were falling over crying and everything, right in there. - LMAO!

Hell, I even cry when I see Mary perform on TV...I cried when she was on the Grammys and all...as a matter of fact...I cry when I'm in the car and all...I'm a complete H.A.M. - I know...

But anyway, I'm not saying that those songs can't be covered...but at least wait until Mary and Jill are over 50 and we're at a BET Tribute concert before you "COVER" them BEYONCE! Geeze!

After all of that…click below to see it...and holla back!
http://clipsandkisses.com/blog/?p=239

Its Real.

Oh my gosh... I miss you so much.
There - I said it. Its in the universe.
I'm facing it...its real.
Yes. I miss you so much.
Its (this reality) not a moment.
It is not a phase.
Its real.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you.

I don’t know if the above can be categorized as poetry - lol…
Hell – I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a “Black Blogger Poet Laureate” like these guys…

J.A.C. - I Order You To....Experience it(Read it)
Eclectik - Dime Lines II....Experience it(Read it)

**we are not worthy** (your work is the truth)

FYI: J. CROFT (Webster) Definition of "Black Blogger Poet Laureate": 3. A poet acclaimed as the most excellent or most representative of a locality or group aka bloggers…

Anyway, the above is how I felt…and gosh – do I feel so much better now that I’ve gotten that out into the universe…Golden Girl inspired me to just get it out...

For so many years - I never thought that I had been in love.
I always questioned it (my love or the feeling)…regularly.
Relationship after relationship, I questioned it…

I mean, looking back (12 years – damn that’s a long time) I know I loved my daughter's father (and oh gosh…what a B.U.M. he was and still turned out to be) lol, but I know for sure that I wasn't in love with him. I even knew back then...(isn't that crazy? and to think - I stayed all that time)...

Hell, now that I'm older and all “grown-up” - I realize that my relationship with him was based on fear, dependence and the concept of familiarity.

To be continued…got a meeting to go to…damn!

Oh! Before I go – I coined that term "Black Blogger Poet Laureate"…so I want credit when you use it…LMBO!!!

PMDD and John Legend's Jacked up Teeth

I brought my digital camera to the show, but the battery died...so I don't have any pictures for you. SORRY. So I stole this one...lol

I went to see John Legend this past weekend. We bought our tickets back in March as a gift to Annissa for her birthday. Who is the number one stunner! I still can't believe she came -

I wasn't too excited about seeing Corinne. I mean don't get me wrong...she's cool and all. But I really wanted to see your boy...John Legend.

Everybody's schedules were off that day… so the others drove separate cars and decided to meet up with us at 7:00 p.m. Which meant - I had to ride with Mrs. BoBo a.k.a Tig ole' Biddies - We were supposed to meet up at 3:30 - but I didn't get to Bea-ti-more County until about 4:45 - and of course - THE DIVA wasn't READY (Mrs. BoBo).

In the meantime, it’s drizzling and cold outside. Which means the weather for the Lawn people was a complete hott azz mess. Mrs. BoBo decides that she's hungry and wants to eat at the Cheese Cake Factory a.k.a THE "70-minute wait for a table for 2" FACTORY! - I HATE it!

So we of course don't get to eat there...so we opt for her favorite restaurant: "Copeland's" - which in my opinion is an upscale Popeyes Chicken.... (Sorry Brandi - lol)

Of course - There are no tables available...because everybody that's on their way to the show had the same bright idea that Mrs. Bobo had: going out to eat at a restaurant near the CONCERT VENUE...

We end up getting seated at the BAR (unfortunately because I HATE ciggarette smoke!) and I'm of course suffering from a SEVERE case of PMDD which stands for:

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (click here to educate yourself of the disease)
So I was a B*tch on wheels. If you know me...you will also know that when my friend comes...

I become psychotic…

SO the entire time, I'm like being so extra and mean and snappy to Mrs. Bobo, the waiter, bartenders - I mean everybody. So after one Strawtini w/Grey Goose, Mrs. Bobo puts on her social worker/therapist hat and proceeds to tell me that "I’m not going continue to verbally abuse her or our waiter and that I needed anger management"…and within 10 minutes - I'm like sitting at the table crying and people are staring...it was so ridiculous. Truly. lol

The show started at 7:30 p.m. and we look up and its 7:15 p.m. My friends who were on their way are ringing our cells like crazy because they think we've already gotten good lawn seats and are sitting down waiting for them to arrive...but we were actually just leaving Copeland’s.

So we get there and when we pull up - I hear the beautiful, clear and crisp voice of Corinne...I mean she was just awesome. Truly. Her band was vicious. She gave a great show.

HOWEVER, I didn't realize how incredibly THIN she was. I mean she was really skinny. I thought I was a bag of bones...but your girl Corinne is real tiny. Geeze! I was scurred.

John Legend put on an excellent show. Of course you know your boy comes out in a pair of TIGHT as hell Armani black pants with classic pleats...a tight/metro sexual tailored leather blazer with a zipper and a black and gold lined Hermes' scarf and tops it off with a pair of chucks....and Of course you know his shape-up was ridiculous. He was so sexy...oomph...
Anywho, he opened with "Maxine" and led us straight into "Stereo" - that joint was HOTT! We created our own little party right on the lawn. He gave a great show! The remix to "Used to Love U" got the crowd up on there feet it was like a night club on the lawn…hahahah

He and Corinne blessed us with a duet: "Where is the Love" which was flawless....
After he and his entire band left the stage. He got a standing ovation and the crowd was screaming his name. He ended up coming back out and doing 2 extra songs! It was worth it

I will also never forget Annissa's tight hoodie - that looked like it was choking her face and neck...hahahaha!!!

First things first - I just want to know WHY nobody TOLD me that John Legend’s teeth were Jacked???? His teeth are a hott azz mess! OMG! I had no idea that his teeth were horrible like that. I'm real mad at that...and my friends were like: "What, you didn’t know?"

To find out whether or not you or someone you know is suffering from PMDD - please visit:

http://pmdd.factsforhealth.org/have/takescreener.asp

Take the first step and get the help you need...lol

Its So Much Bigger Than "Nappy Headed Hoes"

I was asked a few weeks ago by a good friend why I didn't blog or comment via the internet on the Imus controversy...and I didn't really know why. I couldn’t give him an answer…

My friend is originally from Africa, so his view on the plight of African Americans in THIS COUNTRY is slightly different than mines (and understandably so)...

Although he and I are connected as people of African descent and we share some of the same struggles as African people throughout the African diaspora...his views on the subject are different because we come from 2 different worlds & cultures...(I'll explain that in another post...)

Anyway, he said to me - "what's the big deal J? - Black people refer to themselves and their women as hoes, etc. on a regular. Just turn on the radio or listen to BET RAPS." What he said reminded me that some blacks, SOME rappers and those in the "hip-hop" culture use the words and terms regularly.
And HE was right - I couldn’t argue with him on that. But the RAP thing isn't the issue...I dug a little deeper....

I had to admit to him that night that I had people in my OWN extended family that referred to their children (yes - their children), family, friends and themselves on a Regular basis as:

B*tches
Mother F*ckers
Hoes
N*ggas/N*ggers
Whores

And sometimes the above names are used as a term of endearment by some of them…
Now - I have to let you know before I move forward, that the family members I'm referring to live in what we call the "hood." (I'm going somewhere with this...)

When I told my friend about them - I then realized that these family members all had a few characteristics or similarities in common:
Some if not all were:

Uneducated - high school dropouts
Convicted Felons
Unemployed
Dead beat fathers
Drug dealers
Living in poverty
Single parents with multiple children (3,4 and 5 kids)
On welfare and recieving public assistance
Drug & alcohol abusers
Had been formerly incarcerated
Living in public housing

Are we on to something here?? Hmmm...sounds like a nice research project.
Moving on...I believe that there is a bigger issue here than the phrase "Nappy-Headed Hoes" - and I’m getting to it…

Anyway, I had asked a friend/blogger to do a post about...but I didn't even entertain doing it myself...maybe, because I just couldn't get into it you know? I knew what IMUS said was wrong and it bothered me some...but for some reason - I just couldn't speak on it - like I normally do with other issues, etc.

But one morning on the way to work, I was flicking through the dial and on every "URBAN" radio station, 93.9, 92.3, etc. they were discussing the incident. I mean, it’s all over the news. People were calling and expressing their satisfaction on the firing of the host, etc. I mean Russ Parr was going crazy ya'll...

And on the radio, you could here clips of Al Sharpton with Jesse Jackson saying to the media in a press conference:

"It's not about taking Imus down," Sharpton said. "It's about lifting decency up."

I read in an article that Sheila Johnson, owner of the WNBA's Washington Mystics and, with her ex-husband Robert, co-founder of BET, said "Imus' comments were reprehensible in an interview with The Associated Press...and was worried that what he said could hurt women's sports."

Yes - an intelligent black woman, strong, politically connected...a millionaire and powerful business woman was worried how his comments would hurt 'women's sports.'

When I read Al Sharpton's and Sheila Johnson’s comment - I got angry. I MEAN seething mad.

I got heated because I thought of all the NEGATIVE charecteristics that the members within my extended family from the "hood" and many other blacks had in common and a comment from an old white man named 'IMUS' is what gets AL Sharpton, Russ Parr, Sheila & Bob Johnson and Jesse Jackson in an uproar??

And Sheila Johnson had the audacity to say that she was worried that his comments will hurt woman's SPORTS???? Oh MY GOD! What a tragedy!!

Every characteristic listed above (poverty, drug abuse, lack of education, etc.) is more than enough reason for Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and every other black leader with any sense, integrity and conviction to get ENRAGED and DEMAND that we (our community) do something to change this horrible reality.

Let's hold a press conference on what JESSE Jackson and AL Sharpton propose we as a community do to eradicate the above list. PERIOD.

As a BLACK WOMAN - Sheila Johnson should hold a press conference and tell the WORLD that she plans to FUND and sponsor a program or research project on HOW and WHY BLACK WOMEN ages 18 to 34 are getting infected with HIV like CRAZY! and dying from Full Blown AIDS at a faster rate than anyother ethnic group in the United States...
Why isn’t she "WORRIED" about this??? WHY???

Studies show that "Black communities, are more likely to be plagued by joblessness, poverty and drug use."

And we know because of the high ratio of women to men, a significant portion of whom (men) go in and out of the prison system where the rate of HIV infection is 10 times higher than in the general population contributes to the high number of infections among black women...

I mean the list goes on an on….

Let's have a press conference on these issues that are plaguing the black community:
Lack of self knowledge and education
Lack of job/trade skills among adults
Lack of effective parenting
Teen Pregnancy
Criminal Activity & black on black HOMICIDE
Brothers on the Down Low
Drug & Alcohol Abuse
Mental Illness
Disease (Diabetes, HIV, Cancer, Heart Disease)

These are the things that the GOOD and RIGHT Rev. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson should be fighting against and "taking" down in our community instead of the old dinosaur IMUS!

IF they want to speak for the black community and be known as a leaders - they should be working around the damn clock to come up with solutions and recommendations to combat the above issues.

These leaders NO longer speak for me.

We need real people, real leaders, and clergy who will speak truth to power and look the deathly issues that are plaguing our men, women and children in the face and say NO MORE! No longer will we accept them and lay down and die quietly.

As a black woman - I will continue to work within my community and FAMILY to help combat these issues. I know I'm one person and I can only do so much within my own family. But I try - we all should try...I salute my fellow friends/bloggers (T.C. and Zuri) and others in the community who know its important to give back - in whatever way you can...

I know that I (we) cannot save the world...but I can help save those close to me. I believe that if we all take the time to look at what we (YOU) can do to help combat these issues...ONLY then - will change come.

We don't have black leaders like Ida B. Wells, Marcus Garvey, King, X, John Herik Clarke or Stokely at the forefront of our movement anymore to speak for us....the real soldiers of today can't even get 20 seconds of air time on local TV these days....

Jesse, Al and the likes of Cornell West get all the press...
But, if we wait on Jesse, Al, Sheila, and Obama to take up our cause...we'll be waiting a lifetime people...

It starts with YOU!
Straight from the heart,
J

The Praying Hands/What is the World Coming To?

Well - I'm on my way to work this morning and I'm driving along...minding my business. Listening to Democracy Now...

I'm in the far right lane...attempting to merge into traffic before that far right lane ends...

I signal and move on in...however, MY mother's VAN a.k.a. THE GAS GUZZLER - has a serious blind spot...so I didn't see the small compact car speed up and merge behind me as well...
So I almost - well we almost ran into eachother...well - let me keep it real...
I (JCROFT) almost had another accident. LOL

The driver, who had to be a middle-aged (50-year) old white woman slammed down on her horn pointed her finger at me and mouthed/yelled:

"Watch it! You Stupid F*cking Idiot" and then gave me the middle finger.

Now - my daughter is watching the entire scene in the back seat and says to me:

"Mommy, that lady said a bad word to you Mommy! and her daughter is in the back seat! She better hurry up and ask the Lord for forgiveness"

Incredible right? - well that's my little mama for you...lol

Anyway, I decided that I would engage in a little road rage this morning myself -

I sped up, changed lanes to get on the side of her, slammed my horn to get her attention...and I did something I've never done before...

I gave her the Praying Hands....

Yes - the praying hands ya'll. LOL

She responded by giving me the Looney Tune gesture (like I was crazy because I didn't give her the finger back or curse - but because I responded to her with a spiritual/or religious hand gesture)...

God knows - I wanted to curse that Lady out so badd this morning...LOL - It really took alot to not go off...mainly because my little mama' was in the car....lol

But I felt sorry for the lady and her daughter...

I really did. I looked at the expression of the 7 or 8 year-old girl sitting in the back seat and she had this blank look on her face...but her eyes, her eyes looked so sad...they really did.

I mean, who would want to grow up with a parent that behaved that way? A parent that used bad words and said bad things? what message was she sending to her child?

But the little girls eyes and facial expression were familiar to me...because I saw myself sitting there, in the back seat - that was me 20 years ago...just a different time and a different place (that's a whole other journal entry...but anyway...)

I was so glad my response was the praying hands instead of the middle finger...and apparently, my daughter was as well...

She later told me: "Mommy, I'm going to pray for that Lady, because its not right that she uses those bad words..."
And at that moment...it was all worth it...Everything

CLOSER...

For the past 2 weeks or so...I've been going through a lot.

And as a result, I've been just staying to myself. I just don't want to be bothered.

And to think - last week, I was just singing: Sisterhood, sisterhood, sisterhood...LOL (see the post below for reference - LOL)

Anyway,

I'm dealing with so much. I'm at transitional point in my life.
It seems like in life – you get over one hill and then comes the MOUTAIN…

Although I know that this won't last forever...
I know that it will pass…but its just really hard for me right now...

I've always been the type of person that's always there for everyone else.
And I guess its just second nature you know?

I'm a very compassionate person and I've always been able to give sound advice, and support to my friends and family members whenever they need me. NO MATTER what.

I've been and have always been the friend that takes the calls from the broken hearted at 2:00 a.m. in the morning.

I've gotten up out of my bed to go help someone on a work night.

I've stayed on the phone until the wee hours of the night - just listening to dead silence. Because there might not be anything else to say. But that person may just need to know that there is someone on the other end of the phone...

I've been the friend that does this or that to make sure everyone else is ok and comfortable. I've done the encouraging; the praying and crying, the hugging, sending the get well or thinking of you cards...

And don't get me wrong. - I know that I'm called to be a person that pours into others and gives back. And its a burden to carry at times - when you have to take on other peoples stuff...

But I believe and KNOW that at the end of the day -
I enjoy being a strong friend and confidant to my friends and family.

I'll keep it real and be the first to admit that it gives me great joy and pleasure to be a help and resource to people who are in need. I actually love helping others. Its just me.

However - When I'm going through and experiencing those rough times…You know - the ones where you don't know which way to turn and everything seems like it all over the place and crazy…

Or the times when its late at night and the tears…oh tears…they just won’t stop flowing...

Or the times when you have people around you but you just feel so lonely inside...

Who will pour into me?

Who will speak positive words of encouragement into my life?

Who will listen?

Who will think of me or say my name and just call to be calling? Who?
Where are they? Where are they now? Who will listen to me?

Who will cry with me at 2:00 in the morning on the phone?

Who will sit up with me in the wee hours of the night while I breathe into the receiver because I just don't know what else to say?

I know my friends and family love me...
but sometimes it just feels like you're all alone...

But when I realized that I had to ask myself these questions...I ALSO realized that I was asking the wrong questions. And I checked them at the door…

Once I did that – the word Relationship kept coming to mind…relationship, relationship, relationship...

I realized that I had grown apart and neglected the most important friendship in my life...

And at that exact moment, I knew.

I knew it was time for me to get closer...

Straight from the heart,
J

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This post is dedicated to my cousin Wynter - Thank you.

Ps. Initially when I started this blog - I thought that I wouldn't reveal what's written in the pages of my journal or uttered to close friends to the world. But - all I had was my blog and God today...so I had to post it and get it out...what a sigh of relief...

Who knew that a blog could be Therapy...