CLOSER...

For the past 2 weeks or so...I've been going through a lot.

And as a result, I've been just staying to myself. I just don't want to be bothered.

And to think - last week, I was just singing: Sisterhood, sisterhood, sisterhood...LOL (see the post below for reference - LOL)

Anyway,

I'm dealing with so much. I'm at transitional point in my life.
It seems like in life – you get over one hill and then comes the MOUTAIN…

Although I know that this won't last forever...
I know that it will pass…but its just really hard for me right now...

I've always been the type of person that's always there for everyone else.
And I guess its just second nature you know?

I'm a very compassionate person and I've always been able to give sound advice, and support to my friends and family members whenever they need me. NO MATTER what.

I've been and have always been the friend that takes the calls from the broken hearted at 2:00 a.m. in the morning.

I've gotten up out of my bed to go help someone on a work night.

I've stayed on the phone until the wee hours of the night - just listening to dead silence. Because there might not be anything else to say. But that person may just need to know that there is someone on the other end of the phone...

I've been the friend that does this or that to make sure everyone else is ok and comfortable. I've done the encouraging; the praying and crying, the hugging, sending the get well or thinking of you cards...

And don't get me wrong. - I know that I'm called to be a person that pours into others and gives back. And its a burden to carry at times - when you have to take on other peoples stuff...

But I believe and KNOW that at the end of the day -
I enjoy being a strong friend and confidant to my friends and family.

I'll keep it real and be the first to admit that it gives me great joy and pleasure to be a help and resource to people who are in need. I actually love helping others. Its just me.

However - When I'm going through and experiencing those rough times…You know - the ones where you don't know which way to turn and everything seems like it all over the place and crazy…

Or the times when its late at night and the tears…oh tears…they just won’t stop flowing...

Or the times when you have people around you but you just feel so lonely inside...

Who will pour into me?

Who will speak positive words of encouragement into my life?

Who will listen?

Who will think of me or say my name and just call to be calling? Who?
Where are they? Where are they now? Who will listen to me?

Who will cry with me at 2:00 in the morning on the phone?

Who will sit up with me in the wee hours of the night while I breathe into the receiver because I just don't know what else to say?

I know my friends and family love me...
but sometimes it just feels like you're all alone...

But when I realized that I had to ask myself these questions...I ALSO realized that I was asking the wrong questions. And I checked them at the door…

Once I did that – the word Relationship kept coming to mind…relationship, relationship, relationship...

I realized that I had grown apart and neglected the most important friendship in my life...

And at that exact moment, I knew.

I knew it was time for me to get closer...

Straight from the heart,
J

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This post is dedicated to my cousin Wynter - Thank you.

Ps. Initially when I started this blog - I thought that I wouldn't reveal what's written in the pages of my journal or uttered to close friends to the world. But - all I had was my blog and God today...so I had to post it and get it out...what a sigh of relief...

Who knew that a blog could be Therapy...